• An adequate mother,  To whom it concerns...

    Where’s My Murphy Brown?

      Last week as I wandered the streets looking for purpose, I overheard a woman and her friend bemoan the current state of television. ‘I miss family shows you know? Like, The Cosby Show and Hey Dad.’ Her friend nodded in agreement as if she too had been stuck down a mine shaft with her companion for the last three years… I watched as they continued on their way, no doubt going home to old VHS recordings of The Jimmy Savile and Rolf Harris Variety Hour while eating Subway sandwiches. Nostalgia can be a powerful thing. It makes us reflect on more ‘wholesome’ times, even if most of the time we…

  • An adequate mother,  parenting,  pregnancy

    Diary of An Adequate Mother

    A few months ago I found out I was pregnant.  ‘How did this happen?’ I asked legs spread atop the toilet seat, testing for the third time that morning. ‘You pretty much did that’ my boyfriend replied smugly, motioning to my legs akimbo. Now to be perfectly candid, we had talked about having kids for while, even getting a rescue dog at one point and naming it ‘training baby’* but talking is theoretical. I’m the greatest mum in the world, theoretically. A Full House remount is great, theoretically.  The new Milo bar was meant to be great, theoretically! My point is, lots of things are great theoretically, but the actual real…

  • Boys and touching boys and boys who touch

    I love you, just not what you’re into.

    Since we nearly broke up a few months into our relationship after I told my Lord of The Rings loving boyfriend (JK) that ‘I didn’t care for fantasy’ I’ve made a concerted effort to champion his interests while remaining detached and uninvolved. Like he’s really into historic drama TV shows – Vikings and Hell on Wheels type stuff. Sometimes he even insists we watch them together so I try and make a game of it, guessing how far into an episode I’ll see a woman’s breast, or her rape or perhaps her sale to a wealthy landowner. He’s also really into reading books about dogs, which is cool, if that’s…

  • Lady stuff

    Give So I May Brunch

    Dear Reader,  It’s not often I ask for help. I’ve never been very good at it, what with being a lone-wolf, renegade adventurer, blogger.  But today I out to my friends, I can call you that right? You see, the other day I went for brunch, dressed in clothes that I would come to realise, could also function as a cloak of invisibility. As I entered the well-lit inner city café/bookstore/ carb intervention centre, for a moment I thought perhaps I’d made a mistake and fallen upon the sign in booth at the start of a triathlon or at the very least, a competitive Mother’s Day power walk.  For as far…

  • Uncategorized

    It’s been 132 days since my last diet.

    After over two decades of being on a diet, yep 20 years and I’m only 35 (I could’ve raised a teenager in that time, or at least two primary school aged kids), quitting dieting is like deciding to stop brushing your teeth. It’s gross and there was the chance that giving up on brushing my teeth, like not dieting might also make me less desirable. I mean if I wasn’t lemon detoxing I wasn’t living. That makes me come across like a superficial bitch but you’ve got to understand, for years I’ve seen myself as one of those women that come across like they might be on a diet, could…

  • I'm not 'special',  To whom it concerns...

    What Would Miranda Kerr do?

    I’ve started keeping a gratitude journal. I’ve been told it’s something Miranda Kerr does. The idea is that you find at least 5 things to be grateful for each and everyday and by keeping a list of them you can reflect back on the good things in your life, making the bad things, well trivial and in making them trivial give them less power in your life.  It sounded right up my alley so I was eager to get the gratitude ball rolling. Before I started though I had to give myself some rules so that my daily entries didn’t read like an ode to just ‘making it through the…

  • Uncategorized

    How You Made Me A Bad Person

    I’m going to write something in a moment and straight up it’s going to come out sounding like I think I’m a better person than you. It’s not the case, trust me, I’m so self-deprecating that I still don’t think I’m ever going to top this one day in 1984 when I received the ‘Best Cursive Writing Award’ in primary school – an award I had to make and give myself, an award deserved nonetheless. So here it goes: In recent months my partner and I have given up gluten. Yep, notice how I used the partner as opposed to boyfriend and yep, we’ve given up gluten, as in, this…

  • I'd read this if I was you

    Even if you looked like a man I wouldn’t touch you like that…

    Leaving a friends birthday party with a close friend of mine, a rather cute man confronted me, a gay man but still cute in a way I could appreciate. He asked me if I could light his fire, we giggled, I battered my eyelids, my friend rolled her eyes, lit his cigarette and proclaimed ‘oh for fuck’s sake Lou, he sucks cock!’ Fair point. I waited in the cold, looking for a cab as my friend finished her ciggie, making idle chit chat with my newfound man friend when he asked how long my friend and I had been dating. I laughed, warming my hands in my pockets.’ We don’t…