• An adequate mother,  Lady stuff,  Mums and their sons,  parenting,  pregnancy,  Relationships,  She got in trouble again,  The Adventures of Mum and Dad

    Best Birth-Day Ever

    By the time I reached 36 weeks, I think it’s fair to say, I was not the poster girl for pregnancy. I was the pregnant woman anyone thinking of getting pregnant needed to avoid at all costs. There was no glow. No increased libido. No ethereal photoshoot by the seaside with my partner’s arms wrapped around my naked belly. Wheelchair-bound thanks to crippling back pain, vaginal spasms (yes, yes it’s completely ok to be aroused by my writing of ‘vaginal spasms’’), a 35 kilo weight gain and a constant flow of discharge – I looked like and felt like a creature you’d find living under a bridge, picking at an…

  • An adequate mother,  I'm not 'special',  Lady stuff,  parenting

    With All Seriousness

    ‘You’re a mum now Lou’ my friend informed me as I sat before her, tea in hand, despair draping my face. ‘You’re going to have to learn to deal with it.’ I silently opened a packet of Teddy Bear biscuits as she continued. ‘You’re just won’t be able to be funny anymore. Happens to the best of us. I use to be fucking Conan O’Brien till I had kids. Now everything I say comes across as if I’m giving a speech at the Hague.’ And just like that, she had confirmed my deepest fears – that now I’m a mum, everything I say and do will forever be read and…

  • An adequate mother,  I'd read this if I was you,  Lady stuff,  parenting,  pregnancy,  Relationships

    Hello Leakage, my new friend.

    Date night. Soft candles – check Billy Joel love-making soundtrack – check Dog locked out – check Temperature just right – check Billy Joel love-making soundtrack destroyed in mysterious house fire – check Incense…lots of incense…because we can’t quite seem to shake the smell of – ‘Urine’ my partner confirmed. ‘The whole room smells like urine.’ Then he sniffed me. ‘It’s you. You smell like wee.’ ‘That’s ok’ I cooed ‘it’s just a little leak, we can push through.’ I burped – ‘wasn’t me’ I giggled ‘it’s the baby. They must be awake.’ And with that, my partner rolled off me. ‘You really smell like wee, it’s quite intense.’ I…

  • Lady stuff

    I’d F**k A Funny Woman Any Day.

    I find women funnier. I just do. There, it’s said. It’s out there. For years I’ve taken a diplomatic stance – funny is funny no matter what the gender, no matter who is telling the joke, but who was I kidding, give me an Amy over an Arj any day. Now by no means is that meant to be taken as a disparaging comment on the Arj’s of the world, it’s just that my pen is inked from a different well, um, a well of ladies. I was born this way. From the moment I came into the world, as my mother looked at my tanned skin and joked between puffs ‘oh look, she’s nicotine stained’…it…

  • End of the World

    Man it’s hot in Melbourne.

    It’s really hot in Melbourne at the moment. You might have figured this out from the barrage of Tweets from Melbournites proclaiming it to be ‘f**king hot.’ A heat wave in any major city  is a great test to see how your fellow residents might react in say an armageddon. The Family Have you seen or read The Road?  If you have it will give you a slight indication of the harrowing desperation a family displays in a heat wave. If you haven’t, someone eats a baby to survive and the way I saw a mother push a young Goth out the way for the last remaining bottle of coconut…

  • Must see!,  New Year

    2014: I’ll probably fail, again.

    It’s New Year’s Eve and I’ve still got a script submission to finish so I’ll be brief. I’ll try to be brief. Look I might fail to be brief and so what? Who gives a fuck about failing?   I do. We all do. I failed a lot this year. I even wrote a show about failing. That failed too. 2013 was not one of those years that I’ll look back on and think ‘that’s the year that defined the Sanz legacy.’ It is most likely a year that I will look back on and need reminding that it fell between 2012 and 2014 – ‘Oh that 2013….!’ But of…

  • To whom it concerns...

    Being fat in the ’90s.

    I was fat. See this photo. In this photo what you see here is me, sitting, being fat. I was probably being funny too, cause that’s what fat girls do best, funny. You can’t see it, but I reckon everyone in the room was laughing at something I’d just said. Somebody probably peed his or her pants. So back to the photo and me being fat in it. I know I was fat because at the time this was taken I was constantly being picked on for my weight whether it be by ‘friends’ in the playground, or ‘friends’ of my parents commenting on my ‘full figure’ or my grandmother…

  • I'm not 'special',  To whom it concerns...

    What Would Miranda Kerr do?

    I’ve started keeping a gratitude journal. I’ve been told it’s something Miranda Kerr does. The idea is that you find at least 5 things to be grateful for each and everyday and by keeping a list of them you can reflect back on the good things in your life, making the bad things, well trivial and in making them trivial give them less power in your life.  It sounded right up my alley so I was eager to get the gratitude ball rolling. Before I started though I had to give myself some rules so that my daily entries didn’t read like an ode to just ‘making it through the…

  • Reviews

    Review of latest show ‘Lou Sanz Speaks Easy’ Melbourne Fringe 2013

    I decided to do a show without a safety net, something that was different every night. It’s the show I’m the most proudest of. This is a review from Crikey written by Patrick O’Duffy. Review: Lou Sanz Speaks Easy | Melbourne Fringe Festival Patrick O’Duffy writes … Eighteen months ago, Lou Sanz was sitting pretty thanks to the success of her award-winning comedy show Neverending Storage. It should have been tours, yachts and rent boys from that point on. But the thing is, when you’re on top of the world you have further to fall, and instead of moving on, Lou found herself paralysed by anxiety, fear of failure and crippling…

  • The Adventures of Mum and Dad,  Uncategorized

    Sanz Surprise Birthday by Lou Sanz

      It’s my birthday tomorrow and what I’m doing for it is a surprise. Yep, I’ve been told to just wear something that makes me feel good. ‘So I can wear my new fluoro pink tracksuit then?’ I asked. ‘Sure.’ My boyfriend replied. ‘Really?’ ‘Yes, but understand, you’ll be more embarrassed than me.’ Well played, well played sir. The first surprise birthday I ever had was when my sister was born, the day before my 8th birthday. As such my party and life as I knew it was cancelled – SURPRISE! This naturally brings me to the second surprise ever thrown for me. In an effort to make up for…