• End of the World

    Man it’s hot in Melbourne.

    It’s really hot in Melbourne at the moment. You might have figured this out from the barrage of Tweets from Melbournites proclaiming it to be ‘f**king hot.’ A heat wave in any major city  is a great test to see how your fellow residents might react in say an armageddon. The Family Have you seen or read The Road?  If you have it will give you a slight indication of the harrowing desperation a family displays in a heat wave. If you haven’t, someone eats a baby to survive and the way I saw a mother push a young Goth out the way for the last remaining bottle of coconut…

  • Relationships

    Teaching Your Lover to Drive by Lou Sanz

      Over the last few months I’ve been teaching my boyfriend to drive. Life got in his way and he never got around to getting it. I’ve learnt to accept this excuse as an ingrained narrative of how his life has played out thus far. Relationships I’ve learnt, for the most part are a lot about letting things slide. I’m good like that. The first thing you’ll realise when teaching a lover as opposed to a child to drive is that deep down you still have a need for them to not leave you and to like you, really like you. You also have to make sure their self-esteem is…

  • Must see!,  New Year

    2014: I’ll probably fail, again.

    It’s New Year’s Eve and I’ve still got a script submission to finish so I’ll be brief. I’ll try to be brief. Look I might fail to be brief and so what? Who gives a fuck about failing?   I do. We all do. I failed a lot this year. I even wrote a show about failing. That failed too. 2013 was not one of those years that I’ll look back on and think ‘that’s the year that defined the Sanz legacy.’ It is most likely a year that I will look back on and need reminding that it fell between 2012 and 2014 – ‘Oh that 2013….!’ But of…

  • To whom it concerns...

    Being fat in the ’90s.

    I was fat. See this photo. In this photo what you see here is me, sitting, being fat. I was probably being funny too, cause that’s what fat girls do best, funny. You can’t see it, but I reckon everyone in the room was laughing at something I’d just said. Somebody probably peed his or her pants. So back to the photo and me being fat in it. I know I was fat because at the time this was taken I was constantly being picked on for my weight whether it be by ‘friends’ in the playground, or ‘friends’ of my parents commenting on my ‘full figure’ or my grandmother…

  • I'm not 'special',  To whom it concerns...

    What Would Miranda Kerr do?

    I’ve started keeping a gratitude journal. I’ve been told it’s something Miranda Kerr does. The idea is that you find at least 5 things to be grateful for each and everyday and by keeping a list of them you can reflect back on the good things in your life, making the bad things, well trivial and in making them trivial give them less power in your life.  It sounded right up my alley so I was eager to get the gratitude ball rolling. Before I started though I had to give myself some rules so that my daily entries didn’t read like an ode to just ‘making it through the…

  • Reviews

    Review of latest show ‘Lou Sanz Speaks Easy’ Melbourne Fringe 2013

    I decided to do a show without a safety net, something that was different every night. It’s the show I’m the most proudest of. This is a review from Crikey written by Patrick O’Duffy. Review: Lou Sanz Speaks Easy | Melbourne Fringe Festival Patrick O’Duffy writes … Eighteen months ago, Lou Sanz was sitting pretty thanks to the success of her award-winning comedy show Neverending Storage. It should have been tours, yachts and rent boys from that point on. But the thing is, when you’re on top of the world you have further to fall, and instead of moving on, Lou found herself paralysed by anxiety, fear of failure and crippling…

  • The Adventures of Mum and Dad,  Uncategorized

    Sanz Surprise Birthday by Lou Sanz

      It’s my birthday tomorrow and what I’m doing for it is a surprise. Yep, I’ve been told to just wear something that makes me feel good. ‘So I can wear my new fluoro pink tracksuit then?’ I asked. ‘Sure.’ My boyfriend replied. ‘Really?’ ‘Yes, but understand, you’ll be more embarrassed than me.’ Well played, well played sir. The first surprise birthday I ever had was when my sister was born, the day before my 8th birthday. As such my party and life as I knew it was cancelled – SURPRISE! This naturally brings me to the second surprise ever thrown for me. In an effort to make up for…

  • Uncategorized

    How You Made Me A Bad Person

    I’m going to write something in a moment and straight up it’s going to come out sounding like I think I’m a better person than you. It’s not the case, trust me, I’m so self-deprecating that I still don’t think I’m ever going to top this one day in 1984 when I received the ‘Best Cursive Writing Award’ in primary school – an award I had to make and give myself, an award deserved nonetheless. So here it goes: In recent months my partner and I have given up gluten. Yep, notice how I used the partner as opposed to boyfriend and yep, we’ve given up gluten, as in, this…

  • Crap Relationships Disclaimer,  Uncategorized

    Matt Day Homewrecker aka Australia’s very own Angelina Jolie

    Last night I was woken by an anxious friend calling me from overseas concerned that her boyfriend was on the verge of cheating on her. ‘It’s horrible, like I know he’s not right now cause he’s making me a smoothie but when he asked if I wanted avocado I just thought of my god that’s her vagina and him making me the smoothie well that’s just him metaphorically f**king her.’ ‘With the avocado?’ ‘No, she is the avocado. Don’t you see?’ ‘He’s not going to cheat on you with an avocado, there’s not enough room’ I mumbled as I rolled onto my side and was greeted with my flashing clock…

  • An indulgence of sorts...

    The Reader: Your Literary Career: Choose Your Own Adventure by Lou Sanz

      Ok, so someone once told you that you bear a striking resemblance to Harper Lee and you thought yes, yes I do, and so of course the only logical thing would be to become a writer. And so that’s what you’ve decided to do. Great. Welcome. Pull up a chair. Can I get you a drink? No? Of course, me too, I never drink before midday either. Now before we go any further I’m going to get you to grab a pen, because to be a real writer you’re going to need a few things: latent carrier syphilis, a cravat and a Twitter starter account for writers (follow Stephen…