• Life,  People I don't want to know,  Social media

    How to unsuccessfully sell your stuff on Facebook.

    Want to know how not to sell successfully on Facebook? You’ve come to the right place. Over the last fortnight, I’ve become a self-declared expert in the field of trying to relieve yourself of goods for cash on the cesspool that is Facebook marketplace. Be optimistic A few years ago much like many near-middle-age white people of means, I watched a Netflix film on Minimalism and set about selling off all the things I had, most of which I would have to buy again six months later. My partner and I, new to the neighbourhood had done what most of us do when looking for community do these days –…

  • An adequate mother,  I'm not 'special',  Lady stuff,  parenting

    With All Seriousness

    ‘You’re a mum now Lou’ my friend informed me as I sat before her, tea in hand, despair draping my face. ‘You’re going to have to learn to deal with it.’ I silently opened a packet of Teddy Bear biscuits as she continued. ‘You’re just won’t be able to be funny anymore. Happens to the best of us. I use to be fucking Conan O’Brien till I had kids. Now everything I say comes across as if I’m giving a speech at the Hague.’ And just like that, she had confirmed my deepest fears – that now I’m a mum, everything I say and do will forever be read and…

  • I'd read this if I was you

    I don’t think we can be Facebook friends anymore…

    Confiding in me over a hot chocolate in a small tucked away café a few days ago, my friend Agnes had barely touched her earl grey tea with a dash of cream and honey when she pouted and declared ‘I hate myself Lou, I just hate myself.’ I didn’t say anything, I knew there was more to come, there always was. ‘I just don’t understand why you can’t just be born the way you want to end up?’ ‘You are asking an awful lot from the universe’ I surmised as I eyed off a marshmallow that wasn’t mine, but had been left on a nearby table. ‘No Lou, I don’t…