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    I’m not your catcher, I drop things.

    Dropping into visit a friend last week the last thing I was expecting was an intervention. ‘Well, an intervention of sorts’ my friend muttered, trying to avoid my look of disdain I was firmly aiming at her ‘a boyfriend intervention.’ ‘I’m ok, I don’t need any help’ ‘You say that Lou, but we both think Todd would be great for you.’ And by Todd, my friend and her boyfriend of barely 4 months meant, Todd – a guy who’s current interests were ‘mortgages and getting a girlfriend’…well just strap me down, shove a Still Nox in me and let him get started, I’ll struggle and scream at the time but…

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    When Lou met Karen O and other things I should never do

    It’s a new year, a new blog, well ok, maybe I’m just using a different font on the blog but it’s hot, so off you go have a shower and cool down…I’ll wait, but not forever, only fleetingly…you have to admit it’s more romantic that way. Now before I sat down and decided on that font change (and trust me that was as a hard a decision as whether or not to throw out my Leona Edmiston tights because they kept falling down and I couldn’t justify wearing my undies on the outside of them anymore just to hold them up), I was at a summer music festival kicking back…

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    Day 1 Falls Festival: How to make friends with the camp next door

    Yes, so it’s day 1 of Falls Festival 2010. So far I’ve been told where the toilets will be set up eventually up and in the mean time to use a well positioned tree, I’m short enough and I’ve also completely alienated myself for the remainder of the festival from the campers to the right of me – a group of fit looking, young 20 something girls, the sort you could bounce off walls and I say that with a degree of jealously and 30 something loathing and envy – I call it ‘lonvy’. (Please note, it is yet to catch on, and before you email me pointing that out, quite…

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    Come on Lou, he works in TV, you gotta let him…

      Over the weekend a friend of mine (and I can say ‘friend’ cause we’ve known each other over 25 years, so yes, there is an affection there) tried to set me up, once again. Given she’s now decided to breed her efforts have gone from ‘just go chat to him Lou, feel out the situation, see if you like him’ to ‘his parole officer assured me he goes to his drug testing and sex addict therapy sessions like clock work every week, and who says you can’t find a consistent man these days…I mean if you ask me, we’ve just given up looking, I mean he’s never committed aggravated…

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    My summer of love

    There was a time, long before arts council grants, Centrelink retraining schemes and selling my belongings on Ebay that I made a living doing something decidedly different, I was a life model. When I explained to my father what I was doing to pay the bills he no longer had too, his reaction was surprising ‘well Louise I’ve always thought you a bit of a role model myself, tell me – are there children involved?’ My mother chuckled to herself as she decanted the final box of wine she’d been saving into my limited edition Sesame Street flask she’d found in a recent spring clean so she’d have something to…

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    I used to be special and the smell of urine didn’t upset me

    The phone call started out simply enough ‘I’d like to start by saying thanks for coming in for the job interview last Wednesday’…yep, I muttered as I realised a little too late that another chocolate bar had melted in my handbag ‘but unfortunately you didn’t get the job’ they continued – shit, my entire train pass was covered in Mars Bar – (note to self: start diet tomorrow). I went to hang up, but the caller continued ‘it’s not to say your CV wasn’t impressive, and your presentation was impeccable with the exception of your shoes’ – excuse me? My shoes? ‘yes’, she continued –’they were wet.’ Of course they…

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    I have a head trauma, or so I was led to believe

    I woke up this morning with a rather nasty headache. This was not what I had planned. I had in fact envisaged myself jumping spritely out of bed at around 6am, taking the dog for a walk along the beach, perhaps picking up a coffee on the way, share an ongoing joke with the newspaper man about the weather, do some laundry, watch a bit of Koche and Mel and then head out the door all in time for the 7.30 bus. Ok. I’ll be honest. None of the aforementioned happened. None of it. Upon waking with a headache, located on the right hand side of my head I cursed…

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    I attract idiots…work with me on this

    I think I attract idiots…work with me on this Let me tell you an inspiring story. I went on a date once, with this – I’m going to call him ‘idiot’ for the purpose of this story. He seemed nice enough. Seemed to know an awful lot about me…but I’ll get to that later… It was my own fault really; I shouldn’t have even been out to dinner with him in the first place. I was already seeing someone, and even though I’d made that abundantly clear to the idiot, he still insisted on us being friends, and as such friends eat dinner together and I couldn’t argue with that sort of logic,…

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    The story of a young girl who dared to dream.

    In 1989 I would have challenged you to have found a school yard in this country that wasn’t a-buzz wit the zeitgeist phenomenon of ‘Double Dare’. It was globally syndicated children’s game show that no amount of insurance and promises of ‘your kids won’t get hurt’ would see it on our screens in these modern times. The basic premise of it was that two teams were pitted against each other  and challenged to a series of questions. If your team couldn’t answer the question you had dishonoured your family and would only know a life of shame from that moment on, or you could “dare” the other team to answer…

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    A very short story about a mothers young.

    When I was younger my parents imposed a rule of law in the Sanz household that in today’s nanny state would be illegal. The basic premise was that if you did something to someone that wasn’t nice, they got to do it back it you. On a particularly hot 40 degree Melbourne day my brother and I were languishing in front of the TV, my mother had turned off the air conditioning because she trying to accelerate her detox in time for Cup day. Now I don’t know how the fight started, but at some point my brother starting flicking lemonade at me, and just as my mother walked back…