• An adequate mother,  I'd read this if I was you,  Lady stuff,  parenting,  pregnancy,  Relationships

    Hello Leakage, my new friend.

    Date night. Soft candles – check Billy Joel love-making soundtrack – check Dog locked out – check Temperature just right – check Billy Joel love-making soundtrack destroyed in mysterious house fire – check Incense…lots of incense…because we can’t quite seem to shake the smell of – ‘Urine’ my partner confirmed. ‘The whole room smells like urine.’ Then he sniffed me. ‘It’s you. You smell like wee.’ ‘That’s ok’ I cooed ‘it’s just a little leak, we can push through.’ I burped – ‘wasn’t me’ I giggled ‘it’s the baby. They must be awake.’ And with that, my partner rolled off me. ‘You really smell like wee, it’s quite intense.’ I…

  • An adequate mother,  I'd read this if I was you,  parenting,  pregnancy

    Dream A Little Dream

    I’ve always been a firm believer that if someone, even with all the best of intentions, feels the need to unburden last night’s dream on you over coffee, it’s ok to end the friendship there and then. They’ll understand. If not, in time they will. They will. But being the massive hypocrite I am, I’m now that friend, the one with the dreams, and I just have to talk about it. The other night I had a dream where I had to mediate the Weasley Twins from Harry Potter as they navigated a polyamorous relationship they were in while identifying as pansexual and admitting an attraction to each other because…

  • An indulgence of sorts...,  I'd read this if I was you,  Must see!

    My mother kept her maiden name and I didn’t lose my sense of identity

        I’ll admit, I have a complicated name. I’m one of those people with two official sets of ID but that’s not the worst of it – my mother you see, kept her maiden name and so I also have a double barrelled surname, but not a hyphenated surname, because my mother argued, even back in the 70’s, that her and my father were two separate people, with two separate names. The government however did not agree, and made my mother make her maiden name one of my middle names. So for the first few years of my life I was Louise Marguerite Woodruff Sanz. My mother however stood by…

  • An indulgence of sorts...,  I'd read this if I was you,  I'm not 'special',  People I don't want to know

    Australia, the land where wog brown isn’t real brown.

      I read an article in The Age recently, because yes, the newsagency had sold out of Grazia – BAM! No, I was really reading The Age and no it wasn’t something I’d already read a week earlier on the Guardian Newspaper website and then was re-reading syndicated as ‘our’ news in ‘our’ newspaper, no this was proper Australian news, an entire article devoted to the ‘perish the thought’ idea that Australian women are more likely to list their ‘absolutely cannot live without beauty treatment’ as spray tanning over leg waxing, like I said my brain is actually perishing at the thought. I mean imagine the site of it, furry…

  • I'd read this if I was you

    I’m not a slut but I do like to walk.

    ‘Hey slut!’ my girlfriend yelled at me as I greeted her for a coffee. ‘I’m reclaiming the word’ she informed me as I sat down opposite her in my denim-on-denim ensemble. ‘Yeah, I gathered as much’ I bemoaned partially because I knew where this conversation was headed and in no small part because the cafe she’d insisted on meeting at didn’t do soy milk.   ‘It’s fine’ she said ‘I don’t know why it’s such an issue for you. Just get skim milk. Same, same Lou.’ This is why I needed a boyfriend, not for any other reason than to avoid these type of catch-ups. I imagined friends of old…

  • I'd read this if I was you

    My Phone and the art of self-sabotage

    My closest friends, lovers, people on trams, anyone who brushes up against me using one  whilst ordering a coffee in an already cramped Brunswick coffee shop on a Friday morning letting me and everyone else know that he’s ‘…already got bread, you just need to get those tomatoes, but not the ones from Coles cause they’re imported from El Salvador, oh and yeah, I can’t believe I made it through a whole gram either last night, crazy’….or at least has heard/ read my manifesto on  my almost pathological disdain of iPhone’s. I’ve made no attempts to hide this, but I have admitted that if I get lost in the desert…

  • I'd read this if I was you

    I don’t think we can be Facebook friends anymore…

    Confiding in me over a hot chocolate in a small tucked away café a few days ago, my friend Agnes had barely touched her earl grey tea with a dash of cream and honey when she pouted and declared ‘I hate myself Lou, I just hate myself.’ I didn’t say anything, I knew there was more to come, there always was. ‘I just don’t understand why you can’t just be born the way you want to end up?’ ‘You are asking an awful lot from the universe’ I surmised as I eyed off a marshmallow that wasn’t mine, but had been left on a nearby table. ‘No Lou, I don’t…

  • I'd read this if I was you

    Even if you looked like a man I wouldn’t touch you like that…

    Leaving a friends birthday party with a close friend of mine, a rather cute man confronted me, a gay man but still cute in a way I could appreciate. He asked me if I could light his fire, we giggled, I battered my eyelids, my friend rolled her eyes, lit his cigarette and proclaimed ‘oh for fuck’s sake Lou, he sucks cock!’ Fair point. I waited in the cold, looking for a cab as my friend finished her ciggie, making idle chit chat with my newfound man friend when he asked how long my friend and I had been dating. I laughed, warming my hands in my pockets.’ We don’t…