Dragging a discarded bassinet through the streets of Brunswick I couldnâ€™t help but marvel at the wonder that is â€˜hard rubbish dayâ€™ as I yelled out at no one in particular â€˜has anyone seen my baby? I told her to hold on…damn babies.â€™
My housemate said nothing as I dragged my latest find into our house.
After a moment the tension got too much.
â€˜Do you really think we need more bassinets in the house, you know given you donâ€™t have an actual baby?â€™
â€˜You say that like Iâ€™ve got a hidden stash of bassinets hidden under my bed, like some sort of crazy baby lady.â€™
We both said nothing.
â€˜So where did you get it?â€™
â€˜Just found it on the side of the road, can you believe someone actually wanted to throw this out?â€™
â€˜Yes I canâ€™ my flatmate remarked, gesturing at the bassinet handle that had broken off in my hand.
â€˜You havenâ€™t been walking around pretending thereâ€™s a baby in there have you?â€™
I said nothing but knew my silent stance would betray me.
â€˜Again Lou? Really?â€™
â€˜Well look donâ€™t panic I bought something from an actual shop as well.â€™
I stepped aside to reveal a large portrait of the Swiss Alps.
â€˜Oh good god.â€™ My housemate mumbled.
â€˜Itâ€™s even mounted on chip board so we can stick pins in it.â€™
â€˜Why would we stick pins in it?â€™
â€˜Cause on occasion everyone gets an urge to stick a pin in something, itâ€™s just human nature.â€™
He glared at me and for a moment I couldnâ€™t help but feel like a pin cushion…
â€˜Itâ€™ll be great, every time someone walks down the corridor theyâ€™ll be reminded of the Alps and it was only $6 at Savers.â€™
â€˜Thatâ€™s where you bought it? Savers?â€™
â€˜Yeah, youâ€™d have to pay like at least $30 bucks for a Swiss Alps pin board anywhere else. Iâ€™m not a fool, especially when it comes to art.â€™
Later that afternoon as I sat in Â my lounge room looking at my latest findÂ I found myself making a list of the things I could do with my aforementioned bassinet:
- Do something with it involving cheese. Thinking some sort of fondue party…
- Buy small plastic babies, fill bassinet with small plastic babies and then leave on porch. Maybe scatter some other plastic babies around it for effect with a trail of plastic babies leading out onto the street. Watch from my office to see if anyone really cares about abandoned little plastic babies.
- Have a baby and then make the bassinet not only a great find but also functional.
- Make into a herb garden and then write about it in Frankie…that is if they ever return my phone calls…(Reminder to self â€“ CALL FRANKIE)
- Attach some invisible string to it and then when my housemate is working with his door open drag past in manner of haunted bassinet, whispering something like â€˜Iâ€™m the ghost of the baby you never knew you might have had.â€™
- Donâ€™t do anything with bassinet. Just leave the bassinet alone or better yet, throw it out. STUPID IDEA.
Â As night came around I informed my housemate that I would be turning my bassinet into a herb garden, after all Iâ€™m adult. He seemed satisfied with the idea. I then wished him a good evening and set about trying to find where Iâ€™d misplaced my invisible string.